Ways to Annoy People
by Leanne Kullen
Summary: In the eyes of Hermy. She's hopped up on rockstar and wants to annoy the world.
1. Voldie

AN: if she seems OOC it's 'cause she is hopped up on Rockstar. (Hey! It makes me hyper! Weeeeeeeeee!!)

C1: ways to annoy Voldie

Remind him that he got his ass beat by a 1 year old.

Ask him why he has no nose.

Ask him if he went to the same person as Michael Jackson.

Suggest he go to the dentist

Recommend the Dr.(s) Granger.

Remind him that he has no family and they wouldn't love him if he did.

Say, "Oh! Can you blow bubbles with that wand?" During a Death Eater meeting.

Ask him how it feels to be scared of a gay guy who probably wouldn't hurt a fly.

Ask him he had any 'relations' with Dumbledore when he was alive for the first time.

Ask him if the people at the orphanage 'touched' him when he was little.


	2. Harry

AN: Still very OOC

Disclaimer: Sorry for not putting it in the last chapter, I don't own it!

C2: Harry

Take his broomstick away.

Tell false rumors to Ginny; a week later, ask him if he's been snogged lately, when he says, "What do you think?!" smile patronizingly and walk away.

Get Moaning Myrtle to stalk him.

Tell Romilda Vane that she actually has a chance.

Stick him and Millicent Bulstrode under the mistletoe.

Tell him he's transferring to Japan. Remind him that he has to say good bye to Ginny.

Tell him he has no chance against Voldimort.

Ask him (in a very suggestive tone) what happens in Dumbledore's office for his 'private lessons'.

Send him flowers and a card saying, "To my dearest, from Albus".

Tell him he might not be James Potter's son after all.


	3. Ron

AN: Still VERY OOC! We're twisting the plot so none of my favorite(or not so favorite) characters die! Sorry for the strangeness of the plot! :) This was co-written by Batella the one and only!

Disclaimer: I OWN IT! #lawyer comes up behind hex ready to sue# I DON'T OWN IT! O.O;;

C3:Ron

Tell him (truthfully) that he's got no chance.

Tell him 'Looney Lovegood' has a crush on him.

Tell him you're going to visit Aragog and want him to come with.

Tell him the Chudley Cannons disbanded.

Tell him Percy's the hottest person in his family. (Even though it's totally Fred or George.)

Tell him they did a blood test and found out that he actually does have spattergroit.

Tell him the ghoul in the attic thinks he's shmexy.

Get emotional.

Tell him you're back together with Viktor. (True!)

Tell him you're going to elope with above mentioned boyfriend.


	4. McGonagall

AN: Sorry for the plot twist and Hermy's loopyness.

Disclaimer: I OWN IT!! #runs away from people with needles and a strait-jacket# NO OWNAGE! D:

C4: McGonagall

Ask her if she ever craves catnip.

Ask her if she's ever eaten a mouse.

Ask her if she knows Josie and the Pussycats.

Ask her if she had a thing for Dumbledore before she found out that he was gay.

Ask her how long her hair really is.

Tell her Hermione's dating a Slytherin.

Tell her that Snape thinks she's undoubtably hot.

Send her a basketful of baby kittens and ask if they're hers.

Ask her if she ever screwed a cat (in cat form of course!)

Ask her if she's really catwoman.


	5. Sirius Black

AN: Yup still crazy.

Disclaimer: #cries# I don't own it!

C5:Sirius Black

Ask him if he's popular with all the bitches (female dogs)

Ask him why he's pad foot, instead of Fluffy, or Rover, or something else.

Refer to him as Blackie.

Tell him to go back into the veil because he forget something.

Ask him why he underestimated a curtain.

Ask him how the Dementor's kiss was. Did they kiss well or do they need practice? he saw it in Azkaban, we don't want peeps yelling at us for killing him

Ask him why Remus is '**Moon**y'.

Ask him if his mummy loved him very much.

Tell him he should have been Slytherin.

Ask him if he ever ticked Trixie off. (i.e. stealing her wand, putting smakes under her pillow, wrapping her up in a curtain, etc...)


	6. Remus Lupin

AN: Heh heh...she's not looopy anymore...heh...heh... ok fine! She is!

Disclaimer: I own it! I own it not. I...ran out of petals...#sniff#sniff#sniff#

C6:Lupin

Ask him if he ever had a thing for Lily

Ask him if he ever used the bed in the Shrieking Shack for anything other than sleeping.

Ask **him** why his name is '**Moon**y'.

Ask him if he's ever mated during one of his little 'episodes'.

Ask him how it felt to be dead for a few seconds.

Ask him if Tonks uses her power in bed.

Ask him who 'wears the pants in the family' #coughTonkscough#

Ask if he has a fetish for teddy bears which is why he named his son 'Teddy'.

Suggest he had a relationship with Sirius and James.

Ask him why he responded to Hermione's wolf call.


	7. James Potter

AN: still insane in here. Lolololololololololololol! OH! Sorry for this, we just wanted to do all the marauders so we're pretending she wants to make a list for him as well... '

Disclaimer: NO OWNAGE HERE!! O.O;;

C7: James Potter

Tell him he has no chance with Lily.

Tell him amy future kids of theirs would be bookworms, not Quidtitchspell? fans.

Tell him Snivilus is hotter than he is.

Tell him Lily thinks Snivy is shmexy.

Tell him Lupin and Lily are going behind his back.

Tell him his glasses make him look nerdy.

Ask him if he's ever heard the song White And Nerdy ant tell him he was the inspiration for it.

Ask him why he has such bad grades in Potions and History of Magic and well, every other class.

Then ask him how he got into Auror training.

Suggest he gave 'favors'.


	8. Peter Pettigrew

AN. If you haven't figured it out, we're still loopier than a knotted up shoelace. Lolz.

Disclaimer: if we owned it, you can bet we wouldn't be writing fan fiction for it. NO OWNAGE HERE!! Get that through your thick skulls! #sticks out tongue#

C8:Pettigrew

Tell him he's not worthy enough to lick the soles of Voldie's feet.

Suggest he's more than just a servant to Voldimort.

Tell him you bet he's still a virgin.

Tell him if he ever gets cleared of charges, he should ve a man-whore in Knocturn Alley.(not that he'd get much business!)

Ask him how man times he dreamt of James, Sirius, and Remus.

Ask him if he was jealous of Lily.

Ask him if he has fungus.

Ask him if he has lice/fleas/mites/any other things you can think of.

Ask him if he got a sex change.

Question his loyalty to Voldie, laugh as he gets Crucio-ed.


	9. Severus Snape

AN: he's one of my fav. characters so I feel really guilty about this chapter... : ( -Batty

I feel no guilt! #murmers: greasy dungeon bat...# -your annoying-i hex you.

Disclaimer: #cries: we don't own it!! why, why, WHY?!# NO OWNAGE!!

C9: Severus Snape

Tell him he would never have a chance with Lily, no matter how hard he tried.

Suggest he is more than just a spy for Dumbledore.

Suggest he thought of Neville as more than just an annoyance.

Suggest he thought of her as more than just an insufferable know-it-all. still written by Hermione..

Wonder aloud (during Potions), is the reason he hates Harry so much because he reminds him of his precious James Potter.

Send him a boxful of kittens. Make sure they're the cute ones that twirl around people's legs.

Ask him (very suggestively) what he's hiding under all those robes.

Send him flowers "from 'Albus', xoxox".

Ask him if he _has _anything to hide under his robes.

Ask him what he was doing to Fluffy to warrant a bite. #snickers suggestively#


	10. Ginny

AN: Still crazy...

Disclaimer: my fingers are cramping from typing 3 chapters that are short, do you think I could have typed out the manuscript?-Batty

#cowers from lawyers# I don't own it!! #lawyers are appeased and leave# sighs.-hex

C10: Ginny

Tell her Harry's using her.

Tell her the ghoul in the attic thinks she's shmexy.

Tell Ginny the reason Harry won't screw her is because he doesn't have anything there.

Take her broomstick away.

Tell Ginny that Harry's been sneaking around with Romilda Vane.

Tell her (very suggestively) that Snape doesn't think she's all that annoying.

Tell her that the reason Harry hasn't been writing to her is because he's too busy watching internet porn.

Tell her Tom Riddle really did like her.

Ask her if she now has a fear of diaries/journals.

Tell Ginny something false about Harry, a week later, ask her if she's been snogged in a while. When she replies: "What do you think?!" smile patronizingly and walk away shaking head.


	11. Fred and George

AN: written while listening to MCR, and it's still crazy, do you think that says something about us??

Disclaimer: NO OWNAGE!!

C11: Fred and George

Tell them that their jokes aren't funny.

Tell them that McGonagall only lets them off the hook cause she's interested in them.

Tell them the toad really loves them.

Tell them they suck at Quidditch.

Tell them that Percy's the hottest person in the family.

Tell them that Percy's waaaaaay funnier than they could ever be.

Tell them Angelina and Alicia are only interested in them cause their Percy's brothers.

Tell them to get out of the joke business and get jobs at the ministry because they're not funny.

Ask them if they've ever watched Ouran High School Host Club, compare them to the Hitachiin twins. (See AN for explanation)

Tell them 'you know what they did last summer' see if they get the quote.

AN: the Hitachiin twins are identical twin boys who act like they've got a twincestuous relationship to make the club's customers happy. -Ella

This is Hex—For those of you who are blonde like me, she means that they act gay with each other. So yeah...Hi! (She scares me...and small children...and old people...and everyone in between...even her own parents...)

— they act gay with their identical twin... symmetrical brotherly love...sighs — Ella 'O.O'

It's not that I like it in real life, I've never met anyone like that, but in fiction...well... : )


	12. Filch and Mrs Norris

AN: we wrote this listening to Umbrella...sung by Gerard Way...of MCR... so I don't think we're entirely crazy...heh.heh.heh. Gerard is so hot! #both sighz# lol

Disclaimer:

H– do we own it? do we own it? do we own it? do we own it? do we own it?

E– #sighs# how many times do I have to remind you that we don't... #sniff#

H– #bursts out into hysterical sobbing sob-fest#

E– well, there you have it, NO OWNAGE!!

H– WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHG!

E– If you haven't noticed, the first letters in a row spell he he he! Lolz.

C12: Filch/Mrs.Norris

Tell him that his cat is U.G.L.Y.

Ask him if he's Mr. Norris.

Ask him why he spends so much time with Mrs. Norris if he isn't Mr. Norris.

Ask him what he does with Mrs. Norris.

Ask him why her name is Mrs. Norris.

Question him on the gender of his cat. Is Mrs. Norris even female? The name suggests it, but you never know.

Ask him why he's always ticked off at Peeves, perhaps he has some sexual frustration to work out?

Ask him about the supposed relationship between Mrs. Norris and McGonagall.

Set off a truckload of dung-bombs in the hallway.

Flood the castle, or at least the bottom four floors.


	13. Draco Malfoy

AN:i can't believe we've waited this long to pick on Malfoy! –H

I know! I can't believe it either!–E

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!– H&E

Disclaimer: NO OWNAGE!!

C13: Draco Malfoy

Ask him if he has a pet ferret.

Tell him Crabbe and Goyle are hotter than him.

Ask him how 'daddy dearest' is. coughAzkabancough

Imply there is an incestuous relationship between him and his father.(AN: Ella said that...I don't use big words–H)

Imply he is an...illegitimate child...that is dad was cheating on his mom...which is why his 'mom' has that look on her face all the time.

He's always talking about his family jewels...tell him that a little newborn has bigger ones...

Tell him Snape only favors him in class cause he's in a relationship with his dad.

Point out that all purebloods are related...remind him that includes the Weasleys, Potters (before James married Lily), and Dumbledore...

Tell him his beloved leader is only a half-blood.

Tell him he's a drama queen...while treating him like an incompetent little 5-year-old.


	14. Lucius Malfoy

AN: still...crazy(we aer using 'jewels' as a reference to the Malfoy fortune or to...something else. It's a pun)

Disclaimer: If we owned it, we wouldn't have nearly typed 'diclaimer' Cause then we wouldn't have to type one!!

C14: Lucius Malfoy (you peeps can't spell his name)

Imply feelings for his son as more than 'father-son affections'.

Imply he has no...erm...equipment...

Ask how Azkaban is treating him.

Ask how the Dementors are...if their doing it right...

Tell him that he will forever be known as 'Dobby's bitch'.(AN: Came from 'What not to do at Hogwarts, we just borrowed it...)

Ask why he needs a cane.

Tell him his family jewels aren't all that impressive.

Tell him it needs to be bigger.

Ask him how his relationship with Snape is going.

Imply he doesn't know what he's doing in bed.


End file.
